


like a phoenix from the ashes

by BookFangirlMaryJane



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: 13 keeping 12's sonic just because, Dark Thirteenth Doctor, Light Angst, Post-Regeneration (Doctor Who), Pre-Episode: s11e01 The Woman Who Fell to Earth, Somewhat, The Doctor (Doctor Who) Uses They/Them Pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:40:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27404434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookFangirlMaryJane/pseuds/BookFangirlMaryJane
Summary: Gold is all around them when they open their eyes, new and unaccustomed to the lights flashing around them. They take their first breath, as unnecessary as it may be, and have their very first thought.‘I am not meant to be.’--o--A darker take on 12 regenerating into 13, which results in 13 being slightly... different.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	like a phoenix from the ashes

**Author's Note:**

> So this is purely self-indulgent because I wanted to dress up as 13 for Halloween but have none of her clothes and only 12's sonic screwdriver and I dont have blonde but black hair.  
> So I thought to myself 'You're a writer. You can write yourself an origin story and make 13 resemble you.'  
> Except then I had to come up with a reason why she would have black hair and wear black clothes (yes, I know, I didn't have anything better) and why she would still have 12's sonic.  
> Well. This happened. And I wasn't sure whether to post it or not but, evidently, decided to do it.
> 
> I kind of had Whittaker!Master in mind while writing this, but it's 100% the Doctor, just with a bit more Angst and Darkness.  
> I don't know, I'm really loving writing dark!13 at the moment.  
> Also, I wrote 13 with they/them pronouns because at first, they don't really know who they are and gendered pronouns seemed inappropriate. And then it felt weird switching over to she/her so I just kept it for the whole story.
> 
> So. I've explained enough. Read on!

Gold is all around them when they open their eyes, new and unaccustomed to the lights flashing around them. They take their first breath, as unnecessary as it may be, and have their very first thought.

‘I am not meant to be.’

They remember their last moments and they remember the agony of being alive, despite everything, being still alive while their hearts broke yet again at the death that follows them everywhere, at the betrayal they have yet to work through.

With their next breath, they feel the extent of their unwantedness spread through their newborn body, let it fill them up until, not unlike a bottle of gas with too much pressure put upon it, it bursts out of them and with it, the last sparks of gold fade into the air.

They look upon the destruction their change had wrought on the space around them, the familiar space of home away from home, and find a black reflective surface, find curious eyes stare back at them out of a stranger’s face.

Short black hair, full lips, blue-grey eyes that remind them far too much of someone, although they can’t say who, can’t remember why the thought of pale blue eyes burns in their hearts. Hearts. Two of them, beating in their chest. Chest. Arms. Legs. Fingers, toes. Hair.

But oh, they realize now something far more important. Softer features, long lashes, a certain tightness to their chest where the suit of days past restricts their movement, a strange feeling, unfamiliar… They’re not in a man’s body anymore. They’re in a woman’s body now.

“Oh, brilliant,” they whisper, a wide smile spreading on their face. A hand reaches out to press one of the countless buttons on the metal before them. They can’t help it. They have to press the button, have to touch something, have to reassure themself that they are alive, that they exist.

Mistake, as it turns out, when alarms assault their ears immediately after one slender finger pressed the button. Everything shakes, the floor tilts to the side and they only just manage to cling to the metal. Console, that’s the word. Isn’t it?

The next moment, the console bursts apart with sparks flying everywhere and they fall, stumble through the room and then cold air is all around them, whipping their hair around.

As they fall, they have time to think. Time to examine what little memory they can find left in their head.

_Rule One: The Doctor lies._

_Why can’t I just lose?_

_They’re you. They’re what you become if you destroy Gallifrey._

_You must have been like God._

_They all died. Do you know who that leaves? Me! It’s taken me all this time to realize the Laws of Time are mine, and they will obey me!_

_I can save you._

_I have no desire to survive this._

_Lived too long._

_Collateral damage. It’s our Paris._

_Thanks for trying._

_You win._

_I watched it happen. I made it happen._

_For a long time I thought I was just a survivor, but I’m not. I’m the winner. That’s who I am. The Time Lord Victorious._

_The word for healer and wise man. We get that word from you, you know. But if you carry on the way you are, what might that word come to mean?_

_I can do whatever the hell I like. You’ve read the stories. You know who I am. And in all of that time, did you ever hear anything about anyone who stopped me?_

_The Doctor is no longer here! You are stuck with me._

_You’ll find that it’s a small universe when I’m angry with you._

_I don’t want to change again. Never again! I can’t keep on being somebody else._

_A life this long, do you understand what it is? It’s a battlefield, like this one, and it’s empty. Because everyone else has fallen._

_Immortality is everybody else dying._

_Time to leave the battlefield._

_Laugh hard._

_Run fast._

_Doctor, I let you go._

And when they crash through the roof of a train, right into the path of a dangerous alien creature threatening several humans, all so terribly scared and small, their mind is made up. They grab the sonic from their tattered coat pocket, miraculously still there when everything else from their past is gone with the wind, lost, possibly forever, their ring, too, but now is not the time for that, and they ready themselves for a fight.

They were not meant to be here. They were not meant to be.

They were meant to die well, die as who they are. But they didn’t. And now they will make sure no one ever tries to get rid of them again. Even if they have to go up against themself. No matter the cost. No matter how many die.

They are the Doctor. And they will burn their name into the stars until the universe knows to never underestimate them again.

They smile. And then they save the day.

** The End **


End file.
